Experiences/Ohio.

Life is complicated. When I look back five years (as this is as far as my mind allows) I notice that I have changed quite a lot. For better? For worse? I don't know myself.

It seems like yesterday when I started a new school, a new life, met new friends, started taking a different bus route to school, turned a new leaf in the journal of Autumn. I thought the last part of that sentence was quite clever.

As a teenager I felt sudden rushes of adrenaline with each new corner I turned at this new school. So many opportunities, so many different paths for me to follow.

After school each day, I would do my homework, have a conversation with my parent(s) and be in bed by twenty-past-nine every night. Ten at latest on weekends.

Then along came change. Despite this change, I saw everyday differently. There was no such thing as a routine in my life and there still isn't. I continued living my life, but I noticed rapid development in regards with my social life. met new people, started talking to them outside school, found common interests, started dating. Despite knowing people who smoked and did drugs I managed to get to where I am today without touching either.

Then last year, my fifth and final year at school (sounds like I go to Hogwarts).

And then I left my dorm room and entered the great hall where dozens of girls. Some waiting to feed me grapes. Others dancing kinky with their broomsticks. School now seemed like half a prison, half a form of release. Thinking back at the different paths I took, the forks in the road. Choices both right and wrong. Wondering off the path occasionally when lost in thought. I feel like I have learned so much.

But before proceeding any further. In my last year, I managed to make many silly mistakes academically and make even sillier mistakes as the year progressed. I stopped talking to my parents to such an extent they thought I had depression. I crashed so much I started getting counseling and other stuff to help my emotional explosions. I felt like I was constantly shouting at myself. I wanted to hurt myself. I started going to sleep later. Feeling tired all the time.

What may have looked promising at the beginning was now crippled. The rainbow of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet was now black, white, grey and red.

It was actually unavoidable. But. Who knows what life has planned for them? I told myself that once I year I would live a single day as if it were my last. Everything in life was deceiving.

Perhaps I could offer you some advice. Some wise council.

1. You don't have to blend in to make yourself feel accepted. I think I did quite well at this. Do what you are comfortable with. Wear clothes you feel comfortable with, listen to music you feel comfortable with, be someone. Be yourself. And if your friends are true they will accept you for who you are. Friends once. Friends forever.

2. Don't let your emotions control you like I do everyday. But then, saying that, don't act on logic. Just because you read it in a book doesn't make it true. If you feel like your emotions are taking over, hit something, scream your heart out. Cry. It hurts more when you want to cry and you can't.

3. View the world as you would like. You're not the frog that fell into the well, if you know that story. But then you might be, and there is nothing wrong with that. I view the world from underground. I don't see a lot but I can definitely feel it. And if you ever fall and there isn't anyone to catch you. I will.

4. Find a passion, turn it into an addiction. Recently, I discovered how much I liked to write. How I could like my heart and pen. I have a friend who has more of a spiritual addiction. Things that can't be seen, or felt. Something abstract really makes them happy.

5. Have love in your life. I personally haven't had a hug in two weeks. Haha, wait. That isn't funny. See? Emotions took over again to cover up the real ones. I see love as like a tree. You have all your love branch off to different areas. Your parents, your friends, pets, that really comfy sofa, that celebrity, music, excitement. But most importantly, love yourself. I know it's cheesy. But how would you love someone else without doing so? Never say you "loved" something. Love doesn't have a past-tense. If you say you "loved" then you were never truly in love in the first place.

When you're feeling down in this world, when you fall to the ground, remember, I'm there to catch you. I love you.

Did I just express my undying love for you? I'm so embarrassed. I think I might go now. You know you have me.

I love you.