Heart/Hope.

Thank you for taking this picture and spending time with me. You are one of my best friends and you always will be. <3

Haven't posted in a while. To be honest, I haven't really been busy or anything. I have had a lot on my mind but I guess that is supposed to help me write.

Mirrors. Break them, and what was it? Like seven years bad luck or something. I am not willing to take that risk even if it is just a myth. Just like how I would never walk under a ladder or be mean to a black cat. When I hop out of the shower in the morning I tend to stare at myself in the mirror for no apparent reason. I guess it makes it easier to floss, wash or whatever. But I always have those days where I squint a little and think - woah, I really look like that? Is this how people see me? Then I go crazy and start seeing things that no one else can't. Abstract. The cruelty, beauty and whatnot that is hidden within this hollow shell.

My Mum would always complain about my hair being too long and how it covers my face. I have my reasons for this but she doesn't seem to understand them. She tries to convince me to cut my fringe and says "but you would look so handsome without it" if she is being nice or "Autumn, your hair is going into your soup" at the dinner table. Which is why I never eat at the dinner table anymore. I can put up with her throwing bananas at me but I don't wish for my appearance to be discussed every meal, every day.

I walk out of the house, go to the park where I meet up with my friend and well, just talk. I asked her what it was like for her in the mornings. She tells me. Then she gets to the delicate topic - how do you see me? How do I see her? I think it must have been quite shocking for me because I suddenly stopped picking at the grass and stared down at my shoes. I ask her - how do you see me?

I asked first.

Damn. That gets me every time. Then she starts to explain. She told me that she looked at her full length mirror every morning before she leaves the house and she does even if she stays at home. She went on, saying she is self-conscious about her hair, her figure, how she looks.

I prepared myself, this wasn't a topic where I would bring out my joking self. I started.

"I guess you're over-worrying yourself. I don't think there is anything to be self-conscious about. If all you worry about is how you look then maybe that's a good thing because you don't worry about what is inside you. There is nothing to worry about. You're a great person, you do well in school, you live with a family that cares for you. How you look is only a very small part although it may seem like something big for you. What you see in the mirror isn't really yourself. It's only a reflection. Nothing but a reflection. I guess no one can ever truly see themselves. Other people can though. Like myself. And you look fine to me."

I think I truly deserved that hug.